I finally get today off after 12 days on and it is a glorious feeling to have an entire day to myself without a pager or need to set foot in the hospital! (Minus those delinquent discharge summaries to finish.) Thursday was maybe the second hardest day of residency.... more lows, more tears, a migraine, a screaming child, not enough hours in the day to take care of everyone and myself. But then it was Friday and I had one of the best days of residency. I utilized my medical students and I took the time to pre-round with them. We were efficient on rounds and I made it to noon conference with a hot lunch in hand. I made decisions by myself. I admitted two patients, discharged three, supervised my med student talking out his first PICC line and almost made it out in time with only an hour worth of notes to finish when I got home. I survived my first week and half of inpatient wards and I see the light... five more days on and then I switch to nights for the rest of the month. So all in all, I'm okay.
More than okay. I'm surviving despite what I felt like was going to be the worst month of my life. Some days have been quite craptacular. I feel like a glorified secretary. I haven't been reading like I know I should. My sick patients scare me. I think the medical students know more than I do. I feel slow and have yet to finish my progress notes before rounds or even before lunch time. I am not good at multi-tasking. I am an intern. But I notice that I'm faster than I was a week ago and more confident each day than the day before. I am figuring out the little things and those make a big difference.
Residency is hard. I'm awake at 5am on my single day off in two weeks. I could complain about many things. But I also realize that I'm lucky. I'm doing what I have always wanted to do and the little things add up. The educating patients and supervising med students and being responsible for my own time.
I'm happy. Exhausted. But happy. Enjoy your Saturday, I know I will enjoy mine!
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