Maya, reflecting, poem of the day

First of all I'm reflecting on the recent passing of Mayo Angelo. Poet, author, dancer, feminist and activist. An all around amazing woman. This is one of her earlier poems... it says so much, so well.

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou, 1928-2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

--

And it also seems a bit apropos for the end of intern year. Intern year where is seems like many days/weeks/months I was burned out, tired, trampled on and shot with words.  And yes I realize that this is NOT what Maya was writing about but it is a beautiful poem and I think my analogy also works. 

Enjoying my day off surfing the internet, drinking coffee and daydreaming. The weather is rainy and its a nice day to be inside catching up on stuff. Happy Hump Day to you too!

Awash in Memories

Grenada.
The walk at sunset....

Medical school friends that became friends for life. An Island Away. Quiet spots. An early morning kayak.

Life is good. It is. I like being a resident and I like going to work (most days). I'm back on wards and I started on nights so it I have some free daytime to enjoy life while also getting back in the swing of things. Inpatient medicine is fast paced, stressful, full of admissions, notes and sometimes not the fun stuff. Sick patients, stressed parents, tired staff BUT there is also the nightly rounding, patient and parent interactions that happen and don't feel quite so rushed, autonomy, fun with other tired residents and a quietness that is just not possible during the day. So that is good.

But I've been nostalgic lately. Missing Grenanda. Missing San Diego. Missing the past. Not in an heartbreaking awful way just happy memories and reflections on the joy and simplicity that some of the past held.

That is all I have on this Thursday morning. Headed out to pamper myself with a mani/pedi and haircut. Much needed. And then nap. And then work.

Christmas countdown, life and reflections of an intern year almost half over!

Hi all,

I am still here. Sorry if you have been looking for me and I've been MIA. You know, this thing called residency is happening. Doesn't leave too much time for other stuff.

Although my parents did visit Houston for 10 days in October, poor Dr Boyfriend had to do most of the entertaining as I was pulled to MDA (oncology) at the last minute. MDA is suppose to be our hardest month and it was not fun but I survived so I do have that going for me.

Also, Christmas is in 6 days and I am unbelievably excited this year. I have decorated the resident lounge and bought mini stockings for each of us to hang. It makes me very happy. Also (a word I'm using way too much this blog post, sorry about that) I have decided it is okay to wear corny holiday themed antlers and headbands and scarves and hats and all things tacky since I am a pediatrican after all. And I want others to as well so I have declared December 24th, the official wear your tacky Christmas sweater (to work) day! You can participate too, I'd love pictures if you do. If you have to work the holiday you may as well have fun while doing it, that it my motto anyhow.


I'm up early this morning. Presents are wrapped. Cookies are baked. I do have some clinic notes to complete though..... but blogging is more fun.

Oh and random links, just because:

1. interesting, my future research is going to do with this i think:
EverythingHealth: The Microbiome

2. fun gift ideas for the last minute hard to shop for person on your list: http://gifts.rescue.org

3. just because: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/72057662761780782/

Merry Christmas!!!!

P.S. Don't forget- tacky sweater on 12/24. And the best way to spread Christmas cheer? Singing loud for all to hear!

mimosa, samosa... life after wards

Wards is over, I made it! There were many times in the past month that I doubted my desire to do this. To be a doctor. To complete residency. Multiple days/nights when I just did not want to go to work.... But yesterday at 10am when I walked out of the hospital I felt accomplished. And my spirits climbed as I brunched and shared multiple pitchers of mimosas and good company.

My collapse into bed followed by wonderful sleep before meeting my awesome wards team for outdoor theatre fun in the form of Bollywood dance made yesterday the perfect ending. I had a good day, a good month. I am now that much more confident that I can do this job. And more importantly that I still want to.

Nights were difficult for me. I feel into a semi depression and despite the actual free time I only slept and worked. It is only now as the nights and memories of them recede that I feel myself again. The reading, the to do list, that didn't happen... but it is okay, because I survived and came out the other side and I'm still here. And now I have energy and optimism once again.

A sampling of what I saw last night, I just LOVE Indian culture/dance/food!

Night after day after night...

Residency day 57.

Well actually night 2, as I am officially on nights. We have kind of an odd system when on wards where you work every other night for two weeks. Saturday was my first "night" and it was rough because I haven't had to stay awake for 30 hours straight in a very long time. I was falling asleep while writing up my H&Ps and that was an awful feeling. I will be prepared tonight with gum, candy and an extra cup of coffee for 3am. The every other night off is kind of odd. 16 hours on. 30 hours off. In theory that sounds nice but it hard to get on a schedule. I had planned to simply sleep all day and then use my off night to read, do things around the house, etc but I guess that residency caught up with me because I simply slept for 18 out of the last 24 hours. Ooops. Now I have all day "off" before I got to work tonight and it is not the weekend and so Dr Boyfriend is at work and I have the house to myself. So what to do...  Finally, I can read! I am so behind in everything, it will be nice to read about medicine and not medicine. I need to go join the Houston Public Library. And grocery shop and bake and lounge and do laundry. And exercise. And finish my graduation thank you notes. Yes, residency  has kept me busy. My to do list is long. So I'm thankful for the time right now to catch up.

Otherwise I really don't have much to say. Inpatient wards is busy, good, horrible, awful, scary and/or fun depending upon the moment in time. I hated my first week and rather enjoyed my second week. I like the patient care aspect of it and struggled with the documentation aspect. There is never time to write good thorough notes and yet I know that notes are super important and without good documentation it is difficult to practice good medicine. And yet I struggled with this daily.  I can only hope I get more efficient as time goes on. I am trying to dictate but that has pitfalls too. Being an intern is about doing paperwork, calling the consults, updating the lists and admitting/discharging patients. I ended up staying  late to talk to parents, answer questions, etc because there really just isn't time during the day for that aspect and it is the education part of doctoring that I so love.

Time to work on my to do list, and maybe walk my dog. Happy Monday to you!