It was the perfect combination of fatigue, high stress, crappy situation, oncoming migraine and frustration. The perfect storm that cultivated in me, in tears...or as Grady Doctor would say, the ugly cry. Nothing discrete or pretty, just raw emotion and sobs.
Yes, definitely my low.
High- interacting/talking with a patient and parent several hours later. I had already seen the patient by myself and with my team earlier in the day but he had been sleeping the first time and his mom was on the phone and so I hadn't really finished a full exam yet. My follow up note was complete and doing an entire PE would not change anything, plus we were not primary so had no pressing reason to go see him again and yet I told myself I needed to. And I'm so glad I did. It was mid-afternoon and the hospital was quiet in the way that no one was really rounding anymore. My patient wouldn't talk but that didn't mean he wasn't communicating. I did my exam and bantered with his mom and nurse. He smiled and pantomimed responses and I updated them on our latest findings. 10 minutes later as I walked out if the room I couldn't believe that I has almost talked myself out of seeing him.
Residency is all they promised and more. Emotions run high. Child abuse sucks. Life is not fair.
But then something good happens. A moment. A high. And you can go on again. And that's all I know on this early Saturday morning, one month into residency as I get ready for the start of another day and another week.
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